So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Randomize
