I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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