genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
