ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Randomize
