This show inspires me to have sex in space
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
