Can i not drive my cunt home
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
