You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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