We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
birth control should be required to get into college
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
