ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
