I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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