btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Randomize
