Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
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