I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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