mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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