Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
