A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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