So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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