just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
