Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
