I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
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