Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
