DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
