Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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