Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Randomize
