I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
