I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
FUCK WHALES
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
