Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
