I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I have tasted many bathrooms
Randomize
