Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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