you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
