two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
