Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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