I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
