We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Randomize
