she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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