The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
