At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I think I am morally bankrupt
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
