I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
YAS. BRING CRAB.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
