I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I miss vodka workout Fridays
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
