someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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