I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
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