i need an iv and a liver transplant
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Randomize
