I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
