Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
