there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
