Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
