Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
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