I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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