so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
