I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
