My sheets look like a crime scene.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
